Movies
Static Media
ByMadison KemenyandLeo Noboru Lima
After a stellar year for movies in 2023, morale has been high among moviegoers for another solid year of noteworthy hits. As we make our way through 2024, we've been spoiled with an abundance of choices across theatrical and direct-to-streaming releases, but as we all know, quantity does not guarantee quality. While there have undoubtedly been some truly remarkable movies worthy of acclaim this year (see our Best Movies of 2024 list), it's inevitable that alongside these standouts, there would also be a fair share of cinematic disappointments.
From lackluster and forgettable to downright disastrous and unwatchable, these movies serve as cautionary tales for what happens when there's a blatant disregard for decent storytelling and audience intelligence. The entries on this list were by no means chosen lightly. Based on internet chatter, respected critics' takes, review aggregate sites, and our own opinions, these worst of the worst 2024 movies overwhelmingly failed to captivate audiences and critics alike.
Madame Web
Columbia Pictures
Cast: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Tahar Rahim, Isabela Merced,Celeste O'Connor
Director: S.J. Clarkson
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 116 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix, PVOD
Perhaps the most relentlessly criticized movie of the year so far, Sony Pictures'"Madame Web" has been dubbed the worst addition to Sony's Spider-Man Universe and, even more harshly, the worst comic book movie yet. This standalone superhero tells the origin story of Cassie (Dakota Johnson), a paramedic with newfound clairvoyant abilities, who races to protect three young women from a sinister figure who seeks to exploit their latent superpowers. The execution, however, is forgettable at best and an insult to the audience's intelligence and time at worst.
In a blatant cash grab and failed effort to keep a faltering franchise afloat, it was easy for audiences to see right through this lifeless, expositional, clunky mess. Even the cast themselves couldn't take the movie seriously, unable to salvage the lackluster material, with forced performances and uninspired dialogue. In Looper's review of "Madame Web," Alistair Ryder called it "a film that arrived fully formed as a cultural punching bag."From the lazy writing to the stilted editing, "Madame Web" offers little beyond fodder for internet memes.
Imaginary
Lionsgate Films
Cast:DeWanda Wise, Tom Payne,Taegen Burns
Director:Jeff Wadlow
Rating:PG-13
Runtime:104 minutes
Where to watch:PVOD
Not scary enough for horror fans and too flat and predictable to pass as a psychological thriller, Jeff Wadlow's "Imaginary" joins his Blumhouse trifecta of disappointments, where his directorial touch seems to create mediocrity at best. (Wadlow also directed "Truth or Dare" and "Fantasy Island" for the horror studio.) The premise of a childhood imaginary friend seeking revenge after abandonment seemspromising enough, but in reality, audiences were left wishing for a much more imaginative approach. The reliance on cheap scares, tedious storytelling, and recycled ideas detracts from what could have been a compelling exploration of childhood trauma and strained stepparent and child relationships.
The consensus among audiences and critics reflects the film's shortcomings, evidenced by its 1.9 rating on Letterboxd and 34 Metacritic score. Wilson Chapman of Indiewire aptly encapsulated the overarching sentiment in their review with a clever quip, writing, "Just like your childhood imaginary friend, you'll probably forget about it pretty quickly." The only thing worse than "Imaginary" is the fact that it isn't the only Blumhouse blunder of the year.
Night Swim
Universal Pictures
Cast: Wyatt Russell, Kerry Condon, Gavin Warren
Director: Bryce McGuire
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 98 minutes
Where to watch: Peacock, PVOD
In 2014, Bryce McGuire and Rod Blackhurst's short film "Night Swim" went viral on YouTube. One decade later, McGuire made his feature directorial debut with the same story that broke him into the industry. Produced by horror's biggest production companies, Blumhouse Productions and Atomic Monster, this haunted pool flick is as absurd as it sounds, proving that a bigger budget and longer runtime don't automatically make a story better.
When the central conflict of the movie can be resolved simply by avoiding a dip in the swimming pool, it becomes challenging to view the stakes with any sort of seriousness. It also doesn't help that the film is overstuffed with tired clichés and watered-down scares, with Owen Gleiberman of Variety writing, "everything is as telegraphed as it is derivative. The film's fear factor is all wet." Its pitiful ratings of 1.8 on Letterboxd and 43 on Metacritic underscore just how bland and uninspired this failed attempt at horror truly is.
Argylle
Universal Pictures
Cast: Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Henry Cavill, Dua Lipa, Samuel L. Jackson
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 139 minutes
Where to watch: Apple TV+
From the acclaimed director of the highly successful "Kingsman" franchise, Matthew Vaughn, "Argylle" was a failed attempt to sustain his momentum in the spy action genre. With a star-studded ensemble cast, Vaughn's distinctive signature flair, a whopping $200 million budget, and a promising premise centered around a recluse author (Bryce Dallas Howard) whose fictional work mirrors a real-life spy organization and their mission, expectations were obviously high. However, most were let down by the film's lengthy runtime and a convoluted plot that felt more like a drawn-out parody of its clear inspirations.
Scoring a 35 on Metacritic and a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes, it was clearcritics would spare "Argylle" no mercy in their scathing reviews. Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian likened the film to a superficial men's magazine cover shoot: "thin, flimsy, lumbered with a dull meta-narrative and dodgy acting, and boasting a blank parade of phoned-in cameos from the supporting cast." Katie Walsh of The Los Angeles Times went even further, labeling it "one of the most expensive worst movies ever made" and suggesting that it "should be studied in a lab." Although audiences were more lenient, granting it a 72% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, the film's poor box office performance provides a more telling indication of moviegoers' true feelings.
Mea Culpa
Bob Mahoney/Perry Well Films 2/Netflix
Cast: Kelly Rowland, Trevante Rhodes, Nick Sagar
Director: Tyler Perry
Rating: R
Runtime: 120 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
Tyler Perry's films are often hit or miss, although they mainly lean toward the latter. While his previous Netflix venture, "A Jazzman's Blues," hinted at a potential shift in the right direction, "Mea Culpa" disappoints as a noticeable regression for the writer-director-producer. The legal drama about Chicago-based lawyer Mea Harper (Kelly Rowland) chronicles her familial turmoil and professional dilemmas as she navigates a complex web of deceit, betrayal, and desire that comes with taking on the controversial case of charismatic artist Zyair Malloy (Trevante Rhodes). While it succeeds as a familiar Perry-esque guilty pleasure, it falls flat on almost every other front.
With a 1.8 rating on Letterboxd, audiences are in agreement that "Mea Culpa" lacks the suspense, stakes, or sex appeal needed to pull off the kind of erotic thriller it's going for. Beyond the sheer boredom it provokes, the cringe-inducing dialogue and acting might just lead you to consider canceling your Netflix subscription. Benjamin Lee summed it up well in The Guardian, writing, "The stupidity of it all is certainly diverting but it's all too scattershot and at times stiflingly portentous to cross over into pure camp."
The Underdoggs
Amazon MGM Studios
Cast: Snoop Dogg, Tika Sumpter, Mike Epps, George Lopez
Director: Charles Stone III
Rating: R
Runtime: 96 minutes
Where to watch:Amazon Prime Video
Snoop Dogg's sports comedy "The Underdoggs" was prophesized to fail the moment it skipped its planned theatrical release and went straight to streaming. In this Prime Video exclusive, has-been football player Jaycen "Two Js" Jennings (Snoop Dogg) finds redemption and rekindles his passion for football when he coaches his community youth football team in his hometown, ultimately transforming both the team and himself. If you think you've seen something similar before, it's because you probably have.
"The Underdoggs" accomplishes a fusion of inspirational sports drama and R-rated comedy but brings nothing new to the table for either genre. Brandon Yu of The New York Times observed, "It can't come up with any memorable jokes or genuine heart to fill in the beats that it mostly slogs through." While Snoop Dogg brings his signature charm to the role of Jaycen, his performance feels restrained, lacking the energy and charisma needed to elevate such a project. As a result, "The Underdoggs" ends up feeling like a watered-down imitation of better sports movies that have come before it, failing to leave a lasting impression despite its star power and genuine laugh-out-loud moments.
Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate
Peacock
Cast:voices of Keith Ferguson, Laura Post, Josh Brener
Director: Eric Fogel
Rating: TV-G
Runtime: 83 minutes
Where to watch: Peacock
With its awful IMDb rating and single-digit Rotten Tomatoes score, "Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate" may be the worst example of an animated sequel ever to see the light of day. While its memeified 2010 predecessor captured audiences with its fresh and humorous take on the superhero genre, the sequel butchers any sense of originality and charm with a 14-years-late downgrade. Kicking off the Peacock television series "Megamind Rules!," "Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate" sees the return of Megamind (now voiced by Keith Ferguson, as Will Ferrell didn't return)as the supervillain faces a crisis when his former menacing crew, the Doom Syndicate, challenges his hero status and threatens to launch Metro City to the moon.
Writing for RogerEbert.com, Nell Minow remarked the movie "is intermittently funny and briefly heartwarming, as though they ran the original through the washing machine a few times, and then faxed it." Still, director Eric Fogel defended the final outcome and blamed its shortcomings on a significantly smaller budget than the first. Beyond the disregard for the original's characterization, plot, and humor, the most glaring, cheapened element of the movie is by far the poor-quality animation, robbing it of its bare-minimum entertainment value and strengthening our distaste for this trend of lazy franchise reboots, remakes, and sequels.
Lift
Netflix
Cast: Kevin Hart, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Vincent D'Onofrio,Sam Worthington
Director: F. Gary Gray
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 107 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
The Kevin Hart-led, F. Gary Gray-directed heist comedy "Lift" is a stark reminder of Hollywood's tendency to churn out content solely for profit, often at the expense of originality. In this cheap-looking, copy-paste heist film, a seasoned thief (Hart) and his former Interpol agent love interest (Gugu Mbatha-Raw)join forces to lead a diverse crew in orchestrating a daring heist aboard a passenger plane mid-flight.
"Practically every scene is a cliché, every line of dialogue an echo of a better one you've already heard in a better film," Michael Nordine wrote in a review for Variety. Netflix seems to be the main offender here, releasing the same formulaic movies year after year — "Lift" follows in the unremarkable footsteps of other forgettable Netflix original action-comedies like "The Out-Laws," "Coffee & Kareem," and "Red Notice."Netflix obviously recognizes there's an audience for these kinds of movies ... but who, exactly? That we're still trying to figure out. Even Kevin Hart fans may struggle to find merit in his uncharacteristically serious and devoid-of-humor performance within this disappointingly predictable offering.
Air Force One Down
Cast: Katherine McNamara, Ian Bohen, Rade Serbedzija,Anthony Michael Hall
Director: James Bamford
Rating: R
Runtime: 84 minutes
Where to watch: PVOD
If given the choice between being cramped in a middle seat on a budget airline or sitting through 80-plus minutes of the action thriller "Air Force One Down," you're better off picking the former for the sake of your sanity. Katherine McNamara from "Shadowhunters" and Ian Bohen from "Yellowstone" star in this B-grade movie about a rookie Secret Service agent (McNamara) tasked with saving the President's (Bohen) life after an attempted hijacking of Air Force One. It's the type of mind-numbing movie you watch for the pulse-pounding action and high-stakes suspense, but "Air Force One Down" can't even deliver on those fronts.
The premise is far-fetched enough, but once you actually get into the movie — a low-effort hijacking of one of the world's most secure aircraft and a petite rookie agent fending off hordes of towering terrorists — the suspension of disbelief required becomes too much to bear. On his blog, critic Dennis Schwartz said of the movie, "The routine B-film is written by Steven Paul as if he fell out of the plane's emergency door and was still writing on his way down." Nonsensical and too boring to watch as a "so bad it's good" guilty pleasure, "Air Force One Down" crashes and burns as one of the worst movies to come out of this year.
Miller's Girl
Lionsgate Films
Cast: Martin Freeman, Jenna Ortega
Director: Jade Halley Bartlett
Rating: R
Runtime: 93 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix, PVOD
In the erotic thriller "Miller's Girl," 18-year-old Cairo Sweet (Jenna Ortega) seeks inspiration for her Yale admission essay by seducing her teacher, Jonathan Miller (Martin Freeman), leading to a scandal that forces both mentor and student to confront their inner demons. The 30-year-plus age gap between the two leads takes viewers back to a time in cinema many of us hoped we'd never have to revisit. Between "Poison Ivy" and "The Crush," the '90s popularized the underage femme fatale trope, but not without sparking their own fair share of controversy. The question is why writer-director Jade Halley Bartlett felt the need to revitalize this trope in such a superficial way while introducing a new generation of moviegoers to these dangerous and tired narratives that distort the roles of predator and victim by portraying adult men as victims of manipulation by sexually self-aware minors under the guise of empowerment and agency.
Luckily, audiences aren't biting. With a 1.9 rating on Letterboxd, many reviewers compare the writing to amateurish Wattpad fanfiction. Critics aren't holding back, either. Brian Lowry of CNN wrote, "Dated and creepy in all the wrong ways, it's a movie that might have escaped derision in the 1980s but deserves to get slapped around today." Lacking nuance, originality, and depth, "Miller's Girl" is a misguided debut that fails to capture the complexity of its themes.
The Wages of Fear
Reda Laaroussi/Netflix
Cast: Franck Gastambide, Alban Lenoir, Sofiane Zermani,Ana Girardot
Director: Julien Leclercq
Rating: TV-MA
Runtime: 104 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
Despite the 1953 thriller "The Wages of Fear" achieving enduring classic status, marked by its impressive box office success in France and prestigious awards at the 1953 Berlin and Cannes Film Festivals, Netflix's 2024 remake directed by Julien Leclercq stands as a stark example of one of the worst remakes ever to exist. Following the same premise as the original, a group of unlikely allies race against time to transport volatile cargo through treacherous desert terrain in an effort to avert disaster. Even without watching the original, one could imagine the palpable suspense and tension that made this thriller so influential.
However, while everyone knows that in order to justify a remake, you have to maintain the core essence of the original while offering something fresh and new, Netflix's French remake "The Wages of Fear" disregards all of that and dilutes everything meaningful about the original. At the time of its release, "The Wages of Fear" has become one of Netflix's most popular titles worldwide, but that doesn't mean audiences are liking it. Instead, the overall consensus acknowledges "The Wages of Fear" as a lazily thrown-together direct-to-streaming remake stripped of any meaning and suspense.
Red Right Hand
Magnolia Pictures
Cast: Orlando Bloom, Garret Dillahunt, Andie MacDowell, Scott Haze, Chapel Oaks
Director:Eshom Nelms and Ian Nelms
Rating:not rated
Runtime: 111 minutes
Where to watch: Hulu, Hoopla, PVOD
The action-packed thriller "Red Right Hand" is yet another mindless, derivative VOD genre film. Taking place in the gritty Appalachian town of Odim County, "Red Right Hand" follows rough and tough Cash (Orlando Bloom) confronting his past as a ruthless enforcer for the sadistic kingpin Big Cat (Andie MacDowell), pushing him to desperate measures to protect his niece (Chapel Oaks) and his newfound semblance of family.
Although the film's two seasoned leads, plus Garret Dillahunt, and standout newcomer Oaks try their best with the material they're given, not even they can elevate this predictable and familiar formula of overused tropes offset by distracting violence. Critic Frank Scheck for The Hollywood Reporter also quibbled with the casting, writing, "Bloom is perfectly fine as the stalwart, soft-spoken hero seeking revenge, but MacDowell never proves remotely convincing as the ruthless female baddie." Audiences on Letterboxd have rated it 2.8 overall, whereas critic reviews on Metacritic even out to a mixed-to-average score of 48. While the captivating action sequences might offer some visual appeal, true fans of the genre will realize this overly lengthy thriller for what it really is — a generic and forgettable film.
Irish Wish
Patrick Redmond/Netflix
Cast: Lindsay Lohan, Ed Speleers, Alexander Vlahos, Dawn Bradfield
Director: Janeen Damian
Rating: TV-PG
Runtime: 93 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
Lindsay Lohan is back and better than ever. However, the same can't be said about the movies she's choosing to star in. After signing a multi-picture deal with Netflix, the fantasy rom-com "Irish Wish" marks Lohan's second project with the streaming service. Lohan plays Maddie, a book editor secretly in love with a bestselling author (Alexander Vlahos), and luckily, a magical encounter with a wish-granting fantastical figure (Dawn Bradfield) turns Maddie into the dashing author's bride-to-be.
One big cliché for the expression "Be careful what you wish for," the film does little to enhance or subvert its well-trodden genre. While all the praise for this film lands on Lohan's shoulders, it pretty much stops there. Samantha Bergeson of IndieWire described the movie as "cute yet very forgettable," while Benjamin Lee noted in their review for The Guardian that Lohan's "creep back to mainstream movies needs expediting with another junky Netflix offering that feels beneath her talent." The film, packaged as an escapist comfort watch that dropped around St. Patrick's Day, is an easy skip in a year filled with so many other great films to watch.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2
Fathom Events
Cast: Scott Chambers, Tallulah Evans, Ryan Oliva, Eddy MacKenzie, Lewis Santer, Marcus Massey
Director: Rhys Frake-Waterfield
Rating:not rated (content equivalent to R)
Runtime: 93 minutes
Where to watch:PVOD on Amazon Prime Video
Director Rhys Frake-Waterfield is in the business of ruining everyone's childhoods by taking beloved children's properties and turning them into gruesome and terrifying slasher films. "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2" is, as the name suggests, the sequel to the maligned slasher film "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" and the second installment in Frake-Waterfield's developing Twisted Childhood Universe. In this Winnie-the-Pooh horror reimaging, A.A. Milne and E.H. Shepard's original characters, Winnie-the-Pooh (Ryan Oliva), Piglet (Eddy MacKenzie), Tigger (Lewis Santer), and Owl (Marcus Massey), band together on a murder spree in Christopher Robin's (Scott Chambers) hometown of Ashdown in their ongoing revenge against Christopher, who abandoned them when he went off to college in the first film.
With a tenfold increased budget, aspects of the sequel improved from the first, most notably the character designs, but those small upgrades aren't enough to save this disaster of a film overly reliant on its conceptual gimmick. While fans of splatter horror with no substance may be satisfied, by refusing to fully embrace its innate campiness, the film undermines itself through an overly serious approach and a sloppy, unrealized story. As a result, the majority of moviegoers find this one hard to sit through, as reflected by its meager 2.7 rating on Letterboxd and a dismal 36 on Metacritic. However, despite being lambasted by critics and audiences, the characters of "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" will live to kill another day, asFrake-Waterfield is already developing more childhood-ruining spin-offs and sequels.
Poolman
Cast: Chris Pine, Annette Bening, DeWanda Wise, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Danny DeVito
Director: Chris Pine
Rating: R
Runtime: 100 minutes
Where to watch:PVOD
A passion project for director and co-writer Chris Pine, "Poolman" served as the directorial debut of the prolific American movie star, and it is infused with much of the enthusiasm that typically characterizes first-time forays into filmmaking. Pine stars as Darren Barrenman, an idealistic Los Angeles pool cleaner whose habit of pitching in with municipal politics ends up leading him into a "Chinatown"-esque criminal conspiracy involving city councilors, real estate developers, and the city's water supply. Ever determined to make his city a better place, Barrenman teams up with his friends to take on the crooked bigwigs and find out the truth about what's going on in L.A.'s seedy underbelly.
Unfortunately, Pine's clear love for both his hometown and his concept of a goofy, freewheeling stoner noir à la "The Big Lebowski" don't translate into a particularly fun or memorable movie. For as much first-timer eagerness as "Poolman" may demonstrate, it also evinces a critical lack of experience, trudging from one half-hearted gag and would-be set piece to the next with little grace, originality, or refinement. Aside from a small handful of funny bits, most of the movie inspires the worst thing a satirical comedy can inspire — indifference.
Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver
Netflix
Cast: Sofia Boutella, Djimon Hounsou, Ed Skrein,Michiel Huisman, Bae Doona, Ray Fisher, Anthony Hopkins
Director: Zack Snyder
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 122 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
"Rebel Moon — Part Two: The Scargiver" is marginally superior to "Rebel Moon — Part One: A Child of Fire" — which is about as faint as praise can possibly get. Where the first film aped the "Seven Samurai" bringing-the-party-together structure in the most pedestrian way possible, moving lifelessly through uninteresting encounters with uninteresting characters in uninteresting settings depicted via fascinatingly incompetent direction, the immediate sequel finds a kernel of watchability by honing in on the dynamics of the big final battle. The majority of the runtime is devoted to Kora (Sofia Boutella), Titus (Djimon Hounsou), and the rest of the band's efforts to train the citizens of Veldt for the impending standoff against Imperium forces, and then to the standoff in question — a structure that gives the whole thing a certain amount of procedural propulsion.
Alas, that's where compliments must stop. Like everything else in the "Rebel Moon" series, the Battle of Veldt in itself is just shoddily assembled, full of logical leaps and lazy writing shortcuts and dusty clichés and poorly shot would-be Big Moments. Even as the saga draws to a bombastic close— and let's be honest, we probably won't ever see another "Rebel Moon" film — there remains little reason to believe Zack Snyder would have been allowed to spend so much money on such a relentlessly dull and shallow project if not for Netflix's dearth of brand-building popular filmmakers.
Atlas
Netflix
Cast: Jennifer Lopez, Simu Liu, Sterling K. Brown
Director: Brad Peyton
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 118 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
One of the big pop culture stories of 2024 is the non-renaissance of Jennifer Lopez — who was able to parlay a late-career uptick in social media attention and a string of straight-to-streaming movie hits into ... a canceled arena tour, a bizarre autobiographical movie that united the world in baffled fascination for about two weeks, and an album that peaked at No. 38 on the Billboard 200.As if to cap it all off, on May 24, 2024, Lopez's latest cinematic vehicle was released — and pretty much immediately went down as one of the worst movies of the year.
An original sci-fi actioner, "Atlas" takes place in the year 2071 and tells the story of Atlas Shepherd (Lopez), a counterterrorism analyst tasked with capturing robot terrorist Harlan (Simu Liu), the most wanted criminal in the known universe. Flat action, formulaic plot turns, and rote man-versus-machine contemplations ensue, all rendered about as brightly and lushly as we've come to expect from the Netflix original movie pipeline. Lopez puts in real effort, but neither her talents nor those of the rest of the starry ensemble — also including Sterling K. Brown and Mark Strong — can salvage this big, gray heap of nothing. Despite scathing reviews, "Atlas" performed well on Netflix — befitting Lopez's newfound status as a very dependable star of made-for-TV movies.
Back to Black
Cast: Marisa Abela, Eddie Marsan, Jack O'Connell, Lesley Manville
Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson
Rating: R
Runtime: 122 minutes
Where to watch:Peacock, PVOD
The music biopic has had a fascinating trajectory over the past two decades. After "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" mined the genre's unspoken formula for laughs and tore its usual clichés to shreds in 2007, it seemed for a few years like no movie would be able to reuse that same template with a straight face again. Then came 2018, the year in which "Bohemian Rhapsody" became a history-making box office smash, and suddenly, conventional music biopics were all the rage again. The years since then have brought about a seemingly endless parade of cinematic accounts of famous bands and singers' lives, ranging from fun to forgettable to foul — but few have sunk quite as low as "Back to Black."
Directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson with even less energy and personality than she brought to "Fifty Shades of Grey" (but equally strong soundtracking, as expected given the subject matter), this utterly insipid telling of Amy Winehouse's (Marisa Abela) life sets itself apart from previous cashgrabs in the genre strictly for the wrong reasons. Namely, it's even more exploitative, counterfactual, sensationalist, and superficial than usual, glossing over everything that made Winehouse a world-stopping genius and using her as a mere prop in her own story. You're better off just listening to "Back to Black" or "Frank" and letting her artistry speak for itself.
Unfrosted
Netflix
Cast: Jerry Seinfeld, Melissa McCarthy, Jim Gaffigan, Hugh Grant, Amy Schumer
Director: Jerry Seinfeld
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 97 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
Jerry Seinfeld recently made headlines for his harsh words about the current state of the film industry. In an interview with GQ ahead of the release of his directorial debut, "Unfrosted," the comedian argued that the movie business is as good as dead and that audiences are just not as interested in watching and talking about movies as they used to be. You'd think the work being touted by the press cycle that birthed such an interview would fancy itself some kind of corrective or exception to that dire state of affairs. But if any prospective viewers out there are unenthusiastic about the prospects of cinema, "Unfrosted" will more likely be the final push to convince them to give up on the medium.
Despite being a multi-hyphenate artist and entertainer, Seinfeld had never tried his hand at feature film directing in his nearly 50-year career, and "Unfrosted" evinces the guiding eye of someone who wasn't exactly dying to get filmmaking out of his system. As comically fresh and urgent as the premise "the story of the creation of Pop-Tarts" suggests, it's not a movie about nothing (it's about a lot of things, few of them interesting) so much as a nothing movie. At its most inane, it recalls the problems of the Seinfeld-written (and otherwise much better and more distinctive) "Bee Movie": Is the whole thing supposed to be a joke or not?
Trigger Warning
Netflix
Cast: Jessica Alba, Mark Webber, Anthony Michael Hall
Director: Mouly Surya
Rating: TV-MA
Runtime: 106 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
It's often the case that, when a talented international filmmaker makes their English-language debut, it just doesn't quite have the same spark to it as the work that made their name. That rule unfortunately proved true of Mouly Surya's "Trigger Warning." If not for the credits, it would be nigh impossible to tell that such a plodding, anonymous, visually bland slice of algorithm-ready streaming content hails from the director of the fantastic 2017 Indonesian neo-Western "Marlina the Murderer in Four Acts." That movie has bite, texture, charisma, visual splendor, unforgettable set pieces, action that served a deeply engaging story. This one doesn't even seem to try for most of that.
If you're looking for a big comeback arc for Jessica Alba, don't get your hopes up either. Although she acquits herself well enough with the demands of dumb action cinema, the role of Special Forces officer Parker, who returns home from a mission in Syria to tend to her late father's bar in New Mexico, is so lacking in substance that you'd never guess it's Alba's first movie leading film role in eight years (four if you count TV). In fact, almost nothing in "Trigger Warning" suggest passion of any kind — it's a "stumble upon on Netflix at 1 a.m." kind of movie, and feels as though it was made with that exact intention.
Tarot
Cast: Harriet Slater, Adain Bradley, Jacob Batalon
Directors: Spenser Cohen and Anna Halberg
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 92 minutes
Where to watch: PVOD
There is a societal need for "gateway" horror flicks — silly, simple, by-the-numbers schlockfests that can serve as first brushes with the genre for teenagers at sleepovers without rendering anyone traumatized for life. Horror fans have learned to take some of these each year in stride and to not expect too much from them; as long as the direction is competent and the kills are nasty enough, it's all good fun. But there's also the occasional "entry-level horror" turkey that fails to deliver even on those modest goals; in 2024, for instance, we've had "Tarot."
The premise is as familiar as they come but gives us enough to work with: Some college friends rent a house in the Catskills, find a strange tarot deck in the basement, do a reading, and start dying gruesomely one by one in ways predicted by the cards. There's opportunity here for real B-movie verve, be it in the campy college-friend-group grounding, in the "Final Destination"-esque inevitability, or in the monstrous real-life forms taken by the card entities. But first-time directors Spenser Cohen and Anna Halberg take advantage of virtually none of it; the film is a patchwork of thin connective tissue between scares not nearly impressive enough to warrant the wait.
The Strangers: Chapter 1
Cast: Madelaine Petsch, Froy Gutierrez
Director: Renny Harlin
Rating: R
Runtime: 91 minutes
Where to watch: in theaters, PVOD
You've heard of Hollywood eating its own tail, but this is ridiculous: A reboot of "The Strangers," a series of only two films, initiated a mere six years after 2018's "The Strangers: Prey at Night," with a full trilogy already slated for release. To say that no one was asking for "The Strangers: Chapter 1" would be an understatement — but then again, in the hit-deprived climate the industry is going through, you can't fault the filmmakers for looking to arguably the strongest example of meat-and-potatoes genre minimalism of the 21st century for inspiration. In fact, the biggest crime of the new "Strangers" might be the fact that it doesn't understand the first film's appeal at all.
That's kind of an achievement, really, when you consider that the film is as faithful a remake as they come. Once again, a young couple (Madelaine Petsch and Froy Gutierrez) is crashing in an isolated house in the woods for the night and find themselves stalked by a group of masked psychopaths. But where Bryan Bertino's "The Strangers" was precise, subtle, and excruciatingly efficient, Renny Harlin's take on the premise is crass and clunking, taking the most obvious path to adrenaline release at every opportunity and seemingly overcompensating for its lack of originality with a surfeit of forgettable violence. What's really scary is that there'll be two more of these.
The Exorcism
Cast: Russell Crowe, Ryan Simpkins, Sam Worthington
Director: Joshua John Miller
Rating: R
Runtime: 95 minutes
Where to watch: in theaters, PVOD
If films like "Tarot" and "The Strangers: Chapter 1" exemplify the worst-case scenario for schlocky mainstream horror, "The Exorcism" demonstrates that an avoidance of schlockiness does not, in and of itself, great horror make. Starring Russell Crowe in a surprisingly committed performance and boasting one of the most interesting horror premises in a while, the Joshua John Miller film could have been pretty great if it had been capable of figuring itself out. As it is, however, "The Exorcism" can't decide between the realms of soul-rattling Catholic horror and meditative psychological thriller, and winds up delivering on neither front.
The realm we begin from, as we frequently do in great horror, is the metacinematic: Anthony Miller (Crowe) is an actor and grieving widower who starts mentally unraveling while shooting a demonic possession horror film. Is Miller himself possessed? Is he slipping back into alcoholism? Is he merely spiraling as a result of grief and resurfaced childhood trauma? "The Exorcism" feints at exploring that ambiguity in productive ways, guided by Miller's moody, measured direction. But the film's grip on Miller as a character is weak, and the whole thing ultimately resolves into a rather disappointing and underwhelming shape — too far removed from horror kitsch to really thrill, yet too indebted to it to yield anything of real substance.
Role Play
Prime Video/Studiocanal
Cast: Kaley Cuoco, David Oyelowo, Bill Nighy,Connie Nielsen
Director: Thomas Vincent
Rating: R
Runtime: 100 minutes
Where to watch:Amazon Prime Video
Kaley Cuoco was arguably underrated as a cast member during her time on "The Big Bang Theory" — somehow zero Primetime Emmy nominations, and that show and its cast had more Emmy attention than they needed — but she's managed to pull herself up to dazzling heights since the end of the series, taking up strong producing work that also allowed her to flex new acting muscles both comedic and dramatic. "Role Play," however, is unlikely to do as much for Cuoco's claim to the title of most exciting "TBBT" alum as previous Yes, Norman Productions hits like "The Flight Attendant" and "Harley Quinn."
Which isn't to say that Cuoco isn't dependably good in it — she produced the darn thing, after all, and never puts in less than 100% effort into the film's quasi-farcical portrayal of a family woman leading a double life as an assassin. Thanks to her efforts combined with those of David Oyelowo, who relishes the chance to play a goofier character than usual, "Role Play" is less bland and less baffling than it could have been. But even a strong central duo can't save an action comedy so sorely lacking in both good action and good comedy, complete with spy antics that would have felt stale four or five James Bonds ago. It's hard to imagine what drew Cuoco to this particular project.
Longing
Cast: Richard Gere, Diane Kruger, Suzanne Clément
Director: Savi Gabizon
Rating: R
Runtime: 111 minutes
Where to watch: PVOD
Adapted by Savi Gabizon from his own 2017 Israeli film, "Longing" has the secondhand feel of most redundant English-language remakes — but its story is so absurd and hard to buy on a baseline, moment-to-moment level that it's hard to imagine how a different telling could have made it work.
Richard Gere stars as Daniel, a wealthy businessman who learns from a decades-ago lover (Suzanne Clément) that they had a child together, and then travels to the boy's hometown of Hamilton, Ontario, upon learning that he has just died at 19 years old. Daniel then embarks on a series of encounters with figures from his son's life and tries to use them to piece together some kind of bigger picture, all while processing the phantom grief for somebody he never knew. The emotional ideas are sturdy, but Gabizon squanders them — the movie gets so lost in the woods of its own convoluted and implausible storytelling that it barely has time to get the feelings across. And Gere, who can be so great playing humbled business moguls (as anyone who's seen "Arbitrage" can attest), just seems lost.